I Hate You
by Nekoi Hiokans
Summary: Alfred and Ivan weren't exactly sane during the cold war, but you would expect it anyways. Rated T for sexual content. Russiamerica.


I Hate You

Alfred and Ivan weren't exactly sane during the cold war, but you would expect it anyways.

* * *

Alfred could only stare at the Russian. The blood that dripped from his hands and mouth, the purple eyes icier than the American had ever seen them, everything spoke of Ivan's cruelty, yet Alfred couldn't turn away. He saw a form of beauty in those angry eyes and he wanted that beauty.

"_Every time I end up breaking you  
You change into  
Something worth keeping"_

Ivan smirked at the American. Alfred was a child compared to the Russian, but he was somehow the only equal to him. The gun cocked at his head only turned him on, sending pleasure to a very vital part of him. Alfred was not shaking like others would, no, he was grinning and how badly Ivan wanted to wipe that grin off his shitty face.

"_Every time I'm close to saving you  
You grow into  
A sin worth believing"_

Ivan and Alfred need the chaos that they control. It feeds into them like heroine, giving them the high they enjoy. The guns pointing at each other, the death threats, the nuclear missiles…all of it. Just the fueling of their fire, the fire that has almost burned the world to a crisp, yet they continue in their sick little games, never knowing when to quit.

"_You're everything I ever wanted but  
It's never enough  
You're never enough"_

Alfred wanted Ivan and Ivan wanted Alfred, dead. Alfred was thrown against his desk, the Russian towering over him, ripping at the clothes on Alfred's body with little resistance from the self-proclaimed hero. But Russia knows that there will be retribution for this and Russia knows that he will take it willingly. Just for a taste of the hero.

"_I'll take whatever I can take  
Whenever I can take it  
If it ever comes"_

The world watches things play out with baited breath. Ivan and Alfred hurl insults at each other across the table, neither giving an inch. But tonight, Alfred will appear in Russia's room, whisper evil things in his ear while being pounded into Ivan's mattress, just like the night before. And tomorrow, Ivan will do the exact same thing with Alfred, even if it kills him.

"_I hate you when you're gone  
I hate you turn me on  
I hate the way I need you when  
I don't know where you are  
I love it even more  
When I find you on the floor  
I know you think you hate me  
But I will always hate you more"  
_

The war and the madness is coming to a close, Alfred can feel it. He can feel his sanity slowly returning. And he's horrified. Him and Ivan had almost destroyed the world. He sits down at his desk, trying to slow his mind and racing heart, as the effects of what he's done sink in. He lets his head drop into his hands. He knows that this war is done for.

"_I never knew until I got a taste  
What a waste  
For what I had been through"_

Russia drops the bottle of vodka in his hand. He has a sudden clarity and it makes him sick. He remembers things that he has done and it almost makes him lose his lunch right there. He leans against the wall and Lithuania rounds the corner and sees him. Toris says nothing to Ivan, but politely bows and goes back around the corner. Ivan really does get sick after that.

"_'Cause nothing ever really makes that change  
I'm so ashamed  
Of what I did to you"_

The next world meeting is silent. Everyone is afraid to speak, afraid to break the silence. Alfred is staring at something on the table and Ivan is looking down at his hands. The madness has broken, but it has left silence in its wake, and at this point, silence isn't a good thing. Ivan wants to scream and beg for forgiveness while Alfred wants to sink into the ground and forget the whole mess ever happened, leave the battlefield scarred but alive.

"_I had to let you in to feel that rush  
You were too much  
Way too much"_

The first official meeting of America and Russia since it all ended is tense, but nothing happens. The bosses talk while the two nations listen. At one point, Ivan catches Alfred's eye and chances a small smile that Alfred returns. At this point, it isn't much, but the nations hope to reconcile what they did and maybe, just maybe, get that second chance that they've been seeking.

"_I never knew until I got a taste  
I'm so ashamed  
Of what I did to you_

_I hate you when you're gone  
I hate you turn me on  
I hate the way I need you when  
I don't know where you are  
I love it even more  
When I find you on the floor  
I know you think you hate me  
But I will always hate you more"_

_

* * *

_A/N: Ok, so, first time that I'm writing this pairing/time period…hope I got them right…the Cold War is kinda difficult…characterizations are so different. The song is I Hate You by Sick Puppies, pretty good song…I recommend that you listen to it.

Au Revior!


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